Download the book Lady In Waiting – Chapter 7 here.
This post is such a summary that I made and understand from book Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones
Read the others Chapters:
Chapter #1 Lady of Reckless Abandonment
Chapter #2 Lady of Diligence
Chapter #3 Lady of Faith
Chapter #4 Lady of Virtue
Chapter #5 Lady of Devotion
Chapter #6 Lady of Purity
Chapter #8 Lady of Contentment
Chapter #9 Lady of Conviction
Chapter #10 Lady of Patience
Feeling of Insecurity
Why some of woman tend to go after the guys? Why some of woman experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to initiate and develop the relationship? There is one answer in one word: insecurity. A woman who feels insecure has her world centered on something like marriage and Mr. Right that can be lost or maybe taken away. Insecurity keeps away woman from experiencing consistent joy even within a relationship because a man cannot provide security, only God can.
Insecurity causes we, woman to cling to a relationship. We feel a lack of confidence unless we have a man. We want all his time and attention, know all his plans and with whom he spends his time. Insecurity even can cause jelousy and bickering. We don’t wanna him to be around other interesting or attractive women; we feel threatened when he is. Insecurity can cause us to be demanding and have unrealistic expectationof our relationship. When he hurts us, we can be upset for days. Insecurity fills the relationship with frustation and worry.
Believing a Lie
Why do we, women feel we have to go after men? Cause many women have believed a lie. We think, “I must get the best for myself because God may not give it to me.” What do each of us think would have been the outcome of Ruth’s life if she had choosen to believe the lie and have returned home with Orpah and married one of the local guys? With these poor choices, her life of blessing and joy found in Boaz would not have happenend and we would have missed the blessing of a book such as Ruth.
God gives us the choice between His plans and ours. In that time, Ruth could not possibly seen that a man like Boaz would one day be her prince. The same way happen to us, we with our limited perpective can’t see who or where our prince will be. Only God has all things in view. Don’t settle for less than God’s best. God can and will give us His best if we wait for it.
Women tend to struggle with insecurity because of the unique way God created us. God made every little girl with the need to love and be loved by our earthly father. God designed His world with a picture of a family as the theme. The father protects, loves, and cares for his wife and their chidren. The ideal earthly father models the gentle, nurturing love of the heavenly Father. Many young women in our society didn’t have a father who followed God’s design and continued to search for a man who would cherished, loved, and accepted them. But the truth is, no man, not even our earthly father or husband, can fill the need we have for secure love. Only Jesus who “is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrew 13:8), will never dissapoint or fail us.
Let’s turn to our heavenly Father right now and pour out our heart’s longing to be loved. His arms will open widely and His empty lap ready to embrace and hold us near. He considers us, Ladies, and longs to give us satisfying love. And maybe He does desire to give us a man to love also but remember that the man you’ll marry cannot fill your desire for security. Only God’s love brings security.
Manipulation and Maneuvering
“….no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly”
Often many woman will ask this same question, “What can I do to get him to notice me?” and the right answer is NOTHING. There is nothing toward the man.
“Don’t call him. Don’t ignore him and don’t pursue him, don’t do him favors. Don’t talk about him to nine carefully selected listeners (okey, let me be honest that I’m still doing this one, but not to let him know and notice about me just to know him by far).
But one thing for sure that we can do: turn the whole business over to God. If he’s the man God has for us, no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. Let’s use our energies to obedience God, not to nailing the man. God has His own methods and ways of getting the two of man and woman together. He doesn’t need any help or advice from us. Give more attention to the word nothing, and don’t do any manipulation and maneuvering ways. Maybe this little dose of reality will help us constantly to check our motives whenever relating to a guy.
“All a man’s (woman’s) ways seem innocent to him (her), but motives are weighed by the Lord”.
Proverbs 16:2 (NIV)
This is not to say that we cannot do nice things for a man, it’s simply a warning to check our motives before we go to another activity to spend time with the available guys. Let’s ask the Lord to reveal any impure motive that resides in our heart. By checking our motive first, we can save ourself from many tears and much frustation.
Quitting the Hunt
To quit the hunt and stop “going after the guys,” we must:
• Avoid maneuvering and manipulating.
God sees men’s hearts from the perspective of eternity, with His perspective He can see much better for what we need. Let’s put our trust in Him and let Him to show us His dependable love for us. Believe that God will take care of us regardless of our circumstances.
• Put our security in Christ
He longs for us to be secure in His love. He wants to protect, lead and love us unconditionally. To develop our security in God, give our heart and emotions to the Lord.
I’ve ever been prayed the same way with Debby did and I still do,
“Father, my heart is fragile and delicate and easily broken. I have tried to find one who will cherish me, without Your view. My heart has been broken and my emotions bruised. I ask You to take and guard my heart. I will choose not to entertain thoughts and emotions of love which cause me to give my heart away too readily. I will come quickly to You when I start feeling like I am in love. Please hold the key to my heart and emotions until a day I can give it to the man You have prepared for me.”
As we start date, let’s spend more time in prayer before and after dates to make sure our heart and emotions were still in the Father’s hands. Don’t allow insecurity to motive us to maneuver or manipulate our relationships. Instead hunting for a husband or boyfriend, let’s concreate on becoming a woman of excellence. As a Lady of Security, wait for our heavenly Father to bring about His perfect plans for us.
“Learning to sit still, resting in His will. Confident to abide, resisting manipulating but waiting for His stipulations.”